YAWN.

As a punishment for watching the royal wedding this morning, (because I was banking on taking a nap this afternoon while the boys slept!), Wade decided that he did, in fact, not need a nap today. I.Am.So.Tired.

Here's Your Sign

I could not believe this conversation that I had with an ADULT today. As soon as I got off of the phone, I knew I was going to be blogging about it so I don't forget it. Ever. I called the location of the 1st part of Wade's party to see how many tables were in the room, and what shape/size they are, so that I could get tablecloths. Here is how it went down:

Woman: "Line Creek Community Center, can I help you?"

Me: "Hi, yes, my son's birthday party is going to be there on Saturday and I need to know how many tables are in the party room, and what shapes they are so I can bring tablecloths.

Woman: "Ummmmm. Hmm. There are 4 tables. Square tables."

Me: "4 square tables?"

Woman: "Hang on. (yells to a coworker) Mary? How many of those long tables are in the party room? 4? (speaking to me, now) Ma'am there are 4 square tables."

Me: "Umm, you just called them "long" tables when you were asking that lady. Are they rectangles?"

Woman: "No, they are squares...like the long squares."

Me (in my mind, not out loud) what the frickty frick is she talking about??

Me (out loud this time) "Um, so they are rectangles??"

Woman (shouting to her coworker) "Mary? Do you call those tables "rectangles"? Oh, okay. (speaking to me now) Yes, they are rectangles, like the long squares."

I was completely dumbfounded!!!! I haven't heard made-up names for shapes since I taught kindergarten! Meanwhile, hearing all of this "shape talk" Owen is in the background hollering "triangle! teardrop! circle!", obviously showing off his superior shape-knowledge.

He just needs to be fed!

So, I have posted many times about Wade's sleep issues. We thought we had solved them for the most part a few months ago when we transitioned him into his crib and he was only waking 2-4 times a night. And then he started only waking 1x a night. I.Was.In.Heaven. But then he started waking constantly after midnight. And on Saturday he refused to go back to sleep, he would just scream and scream and scream. Since i had been up for hours with him, Chris kept him up and fed him breakfast. As soon as he ate, he went back to sleep! He was hungry! So we started giving him a decent sized snack before bed, usually a sippy of milk with some carnation instant breakfast, and a Gerber cereal bar (similar to a NurtiGrain), and knock on wood, he has been sleeping completely through the night.

I am terrified for this kid to be a ravenous teenager. At the age of (almost) 1, he out-eats Owen at every meal. For breakfast, he will eat 6-7 silverdollar pancakes, a serving of fruit, a sippy of milk, and then he will beg for whatever I am eating and eat some of that. Lunch is "more of the piggy same" and dinner is ridiculous. I swear, the kid had a religious experience on Sunday when I made grilled chicken pasta with tomato cream sauce. He was all "nom nom nom nom!" through dinner. So funny! The child is a pig. His favorite food is green beans. We make them for him at every mean, and as soon as you say "Greenie Beanie!" he flips his lid.

I don't get how two kids can be so different. Owen eats the bare minimum amount of food to sustain a high-level of energy (unless we are at Minskys, McDonalds, or Chickfila, or grilling hot dogs, in which case he will pig out). We joke that we are serving him his "rations" at mealtime. As you know, he has an extremely limited palate, as well! Whereas Wade mows through food like it is his job.

The Hazaards of Raising Boys

When I was younger, I just knew that I was going to have girls. The thought of having boys crossed my mind for, like, a millisecond, and then I was all "oh hell no." I knew nothing about boys. At all. So, I am here to help out all of you mommas-of-boys-to-be, and give you some tips that you will thank me for by the time your sweet son has outgrown toddler hood.

-If you are cooking, and you open the drawer that holds all of your measuring cups and spoons, and they have all disappeared, check your son's sandbox. Or the toilet. You are guaranteed to find them in one of those two spots. (Disclaimer for our friends who eat at our house: If said spoons/cups are found in the toilet, they are trashed. But, if they are found to be in the sandbox, they are fair game for reuse, after a dishwasher cycle, obvi!)

- If you are filling the bath for your son(s) and turn around to grab the soap/shampoo/washcloths/rinse cup and you suddenly hear maniacal laughter, you will probably turn around to find your son(s) standing on the edge of the tub peeing into the bathwater.

-If the above scenario happens to you, you will do one of two things. 1- drain the tub, wipe it out, and refill, this time keeping a sharp eye on your sneaky son. OR, 2- Laugh, swish the water around in an attempt to dilute the pee-water, and then proceed with bathtime. I will let you draw your own conclusion as to what option I choose when this happes at (every.single) bathtime.

-Be prepared for your son to be a monkey and/or daredevil. After recent research (done by moi) I have come to the conclusion that boys automatically scan the area that they are in, assess the area, find the most dangerous/thrilling possible activity they can create, then follow-through. They do this because it is their male instinct. Just like male lions/peacocks/ostriches/blah blah do crazy crap to impress the females of their species, human boys do the same thing. Only when they are young they are doing it to increase the strength of their mother's hearts. Because after you have seen your son(s) front-flip off of the fire place 1,386 times, you don't OMG!!!! as much. True story.

-If your sink drain begins to act wonky, shine a flashlight down it and take a peek. You will most likely see 38 Nerf darts down there.

-When the time comes for your son to potty-train, you will be SO excited. No more diapers, YAY! Cute little toddler-boxers, YAY! Your excitement will last approximately 2.4 seconds. That is how long it will take you to realize that while, yes, you don't have to change diapers anymore, you now have the job of scrubbing toilets/floors by the toilets/walls by the toilets on a daily basis. Because your son will do great aiming for a day, and then he will discover that he can wiggle his weiner (alliteration, had to do it) and make his potty move. Exciting stuff. Life-changing for your sweet boy.

-Be prepared for your son to spontaniously grab his "boy parts" and pretend to squirt you will pee. He will even make the "pssssss!" to create a realistic effect. He does not need to be naked for this to be an effective form of comedy, Owen has been known to bust out the "pssssss!" fully clothed. Thankfully he only does this at home. I am praying that he refrains from trying to make his preschool teacher laugh with this tactic.

-Your son will not be afraid to drop his pants in the backyard and pee. Because stopping playing for more than a second (especially OUTSIDE playtime) is something that is not acceptable. Your son will do this even if there is a birthday party going on next door. In the backyard. And your son will do his biz in the middle of the yard, not in the hidden "potty spot" that you have shown him. And, yes, you will show your son a potty spot in an attempt to make sure that he doesn't pee out in the middle of your yard. But it will happen. And you will laugh

- But the real kicker is this. Your son will LOVE you and say things that will melt you into a puddle of momma-love. Whether at dinner when he says "Momma, this is DELICIOUS!" as he devours a peanut butter quesadilla, or while you are reading him bedtime stories and he says "You are the best momma ever" or when you see your son starting to act like a big boy and start to do things like his daddy (which in our case I am thrilled about, because my boys' daddy is pretty freaking amazing), or when he runs up to you out of the blue and gives you a hug and a kiss, or if on your 28th birthday he comes home from an outing with his daddy and gives you a card that has a picture of a pickle on it and says "Look momma! It's a pickle! For you! Happy birthday!" like it is the best gift ever (which it is, because he chose it just for you!), or when you are rocking your youngest boy to sleep and he sits up just to give you another hug and a kiss.....you will realize that all of the quirks that come with raising boys are amazing! Raising boys (especially more than 1!) is definitely not for wimps!

The cashier didn't realize how offended Owen was.

We were at Target last week picking up some medicine, and the checkout gal was chatting with me about this and that while she rang my stuff up. She commented on how cute the boys are (uh, how could she not comment on that, seeing as how they are, like, perfect and all) and then she goes, "they look so different! are they brothers?" I laughed and said "yes" and then Owen gasped at her and said, "yes! that is my brother! wade is MY brother!" He was so quick to set her straight, that we both started cracking up.

OnStar is amazing.

So, as if I hadn't already forfeited my Mom of The Year award due to the late posting for O's 3rd bday, I definitely had my name removed from the contender list yesterday afternoon.

We had tball practice at 1:00, and it was pretty hot yesterday. So, at 2:20 when practice was over, we were heading to the car to load the kiddos up. I started to put Wade in his carseat and said "Wow, it is hot in here!" That is where things went downhill. Here is the sequence of events:

-Unlock the car, begin to put Wade in his seat, as Owen climbs in the car.

-"Wow, it is hot in here!"

-I picked up the keys, and tried to press the remote start button so that the car would cool down.

-I remember that you have to press the LOCK button before remote start will work.

-I pressed the LOCK button, then REMOTE START, and the car started and began cooling off.

-Wade started freaking out because he wanted to hold the keys, so I set them in his cupholder so I could finish getting him buckled up.

-Wade is all buckled up, so I shut his door and head to Owen's side to get him strapped in.

-I attempt to open Owen's door.

-It is locked.

-With the keys in the car.

-And both boys in the car.

-With my cell phone.

Thankfully, the car was running, and a/c was blowing on the kids so they weren't hot. Chris walks up and I started cracking up because this is something that is SO DAMN TYPICAL of our lil family. Chris, however, is unable to find the humor in the situation. ;) We were trying to talk Owen into opening his door, but the child lock was on, and he couldn't. We tried to talk him into climbing into the front seat and unlocking the driver's side door, but by this point he thought that this was the BEST/FUNNIEST thing to ever happen, so he was just chilling in the car, cracking up at me and Chris hollering through the window. Thankfully Wade was just chilling, and not screaming. This goes on for almost 30 minutes, and then the car turns off, because remote start had been going for too long. At that point, Owen got a bit freaked out, and climbed in the drivers seat. We were trying to tell him how to unlock the door, but the lock is actually really hard to grab and pull, and the driver's side has a billion buttons on the door handle, and he wasn't able to figure out the correct one.

At this point, we had about 5ish tball parents giving suggestions, and one guy said "Do y'all have OnStar?" YES! Duh! We have OnStar! So he tries calling, but alas, no service on his cellphone. Gah. Then another mom comes up and she has service on her phone, and calls OnStar for us, and they had the car unlocked within 2 minutes. THANK GOODNESS! After all of the excitement, we took Owen to Sonic to get a limeade for his valiant efforts in trying to unlock the car. :o) And Chris was finally able to laugh at his airhead wife.

So, we will definitely be renewing our OnStar service!

Only 2 months late on this post...

Since I have not gotten around to posting pics of O's birthday (nor for lack of trying...blogger shuts down when I try to load pics lately. Frustrating!) I figured I still need to write a 3 year old tribute post to my big boy. Here goes.

Owen, here are the things that I always want to remember about you being 3. You are the COOLEST kid. Ever. You love sports, and are really stinking good at them. You drain basketballs like it ain't no thang, you can smack baseballs when daddy pitches to you...but you have a wee bit of trouble hitting off of a tee, which should make t-ball interesting! For your birthday, you got a trampoline, and you are on that thing constantly. You love to bounce Wade when he is in the trampoline, and you think that it is hysterical when mommy bounces, and you don't understand why momma can't bounce for hours on end. You have developed a fascination with superheroes! You love to climb on everything like you are spiderman. You are still a VEEERRRRRYYYY picky eater, but you are getting better. You will now eat chicken from anywhere, and you have started to enjoy meatballs! Pasta of all kids still makes you gag, so we don't make you eat it. You love going to the dr, and the dentist...anyone who will fuss over you! You want to be outside allll of the time. You have the biggest heart of any kid I know. You want to have lots of friends, and you are so good to your friends. You worry about everyone's feelings, and are such a well-liked kiddo. You are the definition of a "routine kid", and you do not appreciate when something is out of line. You have your bed arranged a certain way, you sleep with your cheetah every night in the same position, you have to have your fan going and your fishtank light on to go to sleep. Speaking of fishtanks, you LOVE your fish...a beta named "Owen Jr." How you came up with that name, we will never know! You will start preschool in the fall at Second Friends, and you are SUPER excited. Your friend Hudson will be in your class, and I am SO glad about that, that will give you some confidence! I know your teachers are going to love you. You are the best big brother to Wade that we could have ever hoped for! You will do anything for him, and you love to make him laugh! You sometimes get mad at him when he wants to take your toys or when he is taking too much of momma's attention, but you never get MAD at him. Wade loves you so much that one of his first words was "buhbuh". You think your dadda hung the moon. Anytime that anything needs to be found, fixed, put together, etc, you say "my daddy can do that for us." SO cute. You are his little helper. You love the water, but you hate getting water in your eyes. You love to snuggle still, and I will encourage that as long as possible!! I still can't quite believe that it has been 3 years (and 2 months, whoops) since you were born! How much our lives have changed for the better with you in them! We love you more than you will ever know, and I can't wait to see what the rest of the year has in store for you! xoxo, mommy