When I was younger, I just knew that I was going to have girls. The thought of having boys crossed my mind for, like, a millisecond, and then I was all "oh hell no." I knew nothing about boys. At all. So, I am here to help out all of you mommas-of-boys-to-be, and give you some tips that you will thank me for by the time your sweet son has outgrown toddler hood.
-If you are cooking, and you open the drawer that holds all of your measuring cups and spoons, and they have all disappeared, check your son's sandbox. Or the toilet. You are guaranteed to find them in one of those two spots. (Disclaimer for our friends who eat at our house: If said spoons/cups are found in the toilet, they are trashed. But, if they are found to be in the sandbox, they are fair game for reuse, after a dishwasher cycle, obvi!)
- If you are filling the bath for your son(s) and turn around to grab the soap/shampoo/washcloths/rinse cup and you suddenly hear maniacal laughter, you will probably turn around to find your son(s) standing on the edge of the tub peeing into the bathwater.
-If the above scenario happens to you, you will do one of two things. 1- drain the tub, wipe it out, and refill, this time keeping a sharp eye on your sneaky son. OR, 2- Laugh, swish the water around in an attempt to dilute the pee-water, and then proceed with bathtime. I will let you draw your own conclusion as to what option I choose when this happes at (every.single) bathtime.
-Be prepared for your son to be a monkey and/or daredevil. After recent research (done by moi) I have come to the conclusion that boys automatically scan the area that they are in, assess the area, find the most dangerous/thrilling possible activity they can create, then follow-through. They do this because it is their male instinct. Just like male lions/peacocks/ostriches/blah blah do crazy crap to impress the females of their species, human boys do the same thing. Only when they are young they are doing it to increase the strength of their mother's hearts. Because after you have seen your son(s) front-flip off of the fire place 1,386 times, you don't OMG!!!! as much. True story.
-If your sink drain begins to act wonky, shine a flashlight down it and take a peek. You will most likely see 38 Nerf darts down there.
-When the time comes for your son to potty-train, you will be SO excited. No more diapers, YAY! Cute little toddler-boxers, YAY! Your excitement will last approximately 2.4 seconds. That is how long it will take you to realize that while, yes, you don't have to change diapers anymore, you now have the job of scrubbing toilets/floors by the toilets/walls by the toilets on a daily basis. Because your son will do great aiming for a day, and then he will discover that he can wiggle his weiner (alliteration, had to do it) and make his potty move. Exciting stuff. Life-changing for your sweet boy.
-Be prepared for your son to spontaniously grab his "boy parts" and pretend to squirt you will pee. He will even make the "pssssss!" to create a realistic effect. He does not need to be naked for this to be an effective form of comedy, Owen has been known to bust out the "pssssss!" fully clothed. Thankfully he only does this at home. I am praying that he refrains from trying to make his preschool teacher laugh with this tactic.
-Your son will not be afraid to drop his pants in the backyard and pee. Because stopping playing for more than a second (especially OUTSIDE playtime) is something that is not acceptable. Your son will do this even if there is a birthday party going on next door. In the backyard. And your son will do his biz in the middle of the yard, not in the hidden "potty spot" that you have shown him. And, yes, you will show your son a potty spot in an attempt to make sure that he doesn't pee out in the middle of your yard. But it will happen. And you will laugh
- But the real kicker is this. Your son will LOVE you and say things that will melt you into a puddle of momma-love. Whether at dinner when he says "Momma, this is DELICIOUS!" as he devours a peanut butter quesadilla, or while you are reading him bedtime stories and he says "You are the best momma ever" or when you see your son starting to act like a big boy and start to do things like his daddy (which in our case I am thrilled about, because my boys' daddy is pretty freaking amazing), or when he runs up to you out of the blue and gives you a hug and a kiss, or if on your 28th birthday he comes home from an outing with his daddy and gives you a card that has a picture of a pickle on it and says "Look momma! It's a pickle! For you! Happy birthday!" like it is the best gift ever (which it is, because he chose it just for you!), or when you are rocking your youngest boy to sleep and he sits up just to give you another hug and a kiss.....you will realize that all of the quirks that come with raising boys are amazing! Raising boys (especially more than 1!) is definitely not for wimps!
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