Happy Birthday, Wade!!

This post will be sans photos, because I have none on my laptop. I will upload some later! Without further ado...

Dear, Wade (aka- Wadey, Wadey-poo, Wadey William, Sugar Booger, Bubba, Monkey, so on, and so forth)

I can not believe that you have already been in our lives for an entire year! How in the world did that happen?? I remember the day you were born as if it were yesterday. Daddy and I were up at 3:30 am, so we would be on time for our 5:00 am induction. I was incredibly nervous about labor/delivery (you can thank your big brother for that...) and was even more nervous that I wasn't going to love you as much as I love Owen. (I know that sounds horrific, I am aware!!) But as soon as I saw your sweet little face and heard your (incredibly loud, intense, and piercing) cry, my heart doubled in size, and I suddenly, somehow had enough room in there to love you JUST AS MUCH as I love Owen. It was amazing how immediate it was! I was relieved. :o) You came out with a head-full of black hair, it was so cute! And Owen was very proud to show you off to all of the visitors. He loves you so much!!! Then we took you home a couple of days later, and you rocked our world!

The 2nd day that we were home, you began crying nonstop.all.of.the.time.24.hours.a.day. You were a colicky mess, who had bad acid reflux to boot! We were at the dr with you countless times. I spent so many hours just holding and bouncing you. I remember trying to bounce/rock you to sleep when you were little, and it would never fail that as soon as you fell asleep, my ankle would pop and you would wake up screaming, and I would have to start the entire process over! I have no idea how we made it through those first 4 months!! But we did! And you would never know that you were such a fussy baby. You are the happiest, sweetest, orneriest, craziest little guy!! Here are some things I always want to remember about you being 1.

You eat everything. You out-eat Owen and every meal. I am terrified to see how much you will eat as a teenager. The only food you don't like would be cereal bars and bananas. You love Hot Wheels, and are constantly playing at the hot wheel table, making "vrooooooooom" sounds. You love to play in the trampoline, and you think it is SO funny when Owen bounces you. You have developed a love of toy guns (thanks to big bro) and if you pick one up, you go "BOOM BOOM!" Pretty funny! You sleep snuggled up on your belly with a small teddy and a blanket. You wear 18-month clothing, and size 4 diapers. You say the following words/sounds: Momma, Dadda, bubu (for Owen), Oh ya, wow, ball, vroooooom (when playing with, or seeing a car), more, dee (drink), nack (snack), and you can make the pig and monkey sounds. You learned the monkey sound because the shampoo that we use for you and O has a monkey on it, so when we are washing your hair we make monkey sounds. :o) You started blowing kisses last week and it is pretty dang precious. You aren't walking yet (hallelujah!) but you are crawling and cruising, so it won't be long. You like to ride your new trike (it has a harness so you can't fall off!) behind Owen, and you laugh at brother while he is riding. You are a roughian, that is for sure!! When we read books, you slam the pages instead of turning them, which horrifies your brother who is much more careful. You like to play hard, and you just have this look like, "I am going to be suuuuuch a stinker!" I forsee many calls from school in your future. ;) You have definitely added another dose of comic relief in our family! You love to dance, and anytime you hear music you start shaking that little booty! There is so much more I could say, but you are waking up from your nap so I should probably hop off here and go get you. :o)

YAWN.

As a punishment for watching the royal wedding this morning, (because I was banking on taking a nap this afternoon while the boys slept!), Wade decided that he did, in fact, not need a nap today. I.Am.So.Tired.

Here's Your Sign

I could not believe this conversation that I had with an ADULT today. As soon as I got off of the phone, I knew I was going to be blogging about it so I don't forget it. Ever. I called the location of the 1st part of Wade's party to see how many tables were in the room, and what shape/size they are, so that I could get tablecloths. Here is how it went down:

Woman: "Line Creek Community Center, can I help you?"

Me: "Hi, yes, my son's birthday party is going to be there on Saturday and I need to know how many tables are in the party room, and what shapes they are so I can bring tablecloths.

Woman: "Ummmmm. Hmm. There are 4 tables. Square tables."

Me: "4 square tables?"

Woman: "Hang on. (yells to a coworker) Mary? How many of those long tables are in the party room? 4? (speaking to me, now) Ma'am there are 4 square tables."

Me: "Umm, you just called them "long" tables when you were asking that lady. Are they rectangles?"

Woman: "No, they are squares...like the long squares."

Me (in my mind, not out loud) what the frickty frick is she talking about??

Me (out loud this time) "Um, so they are rectangles??"

Woman (shouting to her coworker) "Mary? Do you call those tables "rectangles"? Oh, okay. (speaking to me now) Yes, they are rectangles, like the long squares."

I was completely dumbfounded!!!! I haven't heard made-up names for shapes since I taught kindergarten! Meanwhile, hearing all of this "shape talk" Owen is in the background hollering "triangle! teardrop! circle!", obviously showing off his superior shape-knowledge.

He just needs to be fed!

So, I have posted many times about Wade's sleep issues. We thought we had solved them for the most part a few months ago when we transitioned him into his crib and he was only waking 2-4 times a night. And then he started only waking 1x a night. I.Was.In.Heaven. But then he started waking constantly after midnight. And on Saturday he refused to go back to sleep, he would just scream and scream and scream. Since i had been up for hours with him, Chris kept him up and fed him breakfast. As soon as he ate, he went back to sleep! He was hungry! So we started giving him a decent sized snack before bed, usually a sippy of milk with some carnation instant breakfast, and a Gerber cereal bar (similar to a NurtiGrain), and knock on wood, he has been sleeping completely through the night.

I am terrified for this kid to be a ravenous teenager. At the age of (almost) 1, he out-eats Owen at every meal. For breakfast, he will eat 6-7 silverdollar pancakes, a serving of fruit, a sippy of milk, and then he will beg for whatever I am eating and eat some of that. Lunch is "more of the piggy same" and dinner is ridiculous. I swear, the kid had a religious experience on Sunday when I made grilled chicken pasta with tomato cream sauce. He was all "nom nom nom nom!" through dinner. So funny! The child is a pig. His favorite food is green beans. We make them for him at every mean, and as soon as you say "Greenie Beanie!" he flips his lid.

I don't get how two kids can be so different. Owen eats the bare minimum amount of food to sustain a high-level of energy (unless we are at Minskys, McDonalds, or Chickfila, or grilling hot dogs, in which case he will pig out). We joke that we are serving him his "rations" at mealtime. As you know, he has an extremely limited palate, as well! Whereas Wade mows through food like it is his job.

The Hazaards of Raising Boys

When I was younger, I just knew that I was going to have girls. The thought of having boys crossed my mind for, like, a millisecond, and then I was all "oh hell no." I knew nothing about boys. At all. So, I am here to help out all of you mommas-of-boys-to-be, and give you some tips that you will thank me for by the time your sweet son has outgrown toddler hood.

-If you are cooking, and you open the drawer that holds all of your measuring cups and spoons, and they have all disappeared, check your son's sandbox. Or the toilet. You are guaranteed to find them in one of those two spots. (Disclaimer for our friends who eat at our house: If said spoons/cups are found in the toilet, they are trashed. But, if they are found to be in the sandbox, they are fair game for reuse, after a dishwasher cycle, obvi!)

- If you are filling the bath for your son(s) and turn around to grab the soap/shampoo/washcloths/rinse cup and you suddenly hear maniacal laughter, you will probably turn around to find your son(s) standing on the edge of the tub peeing into the bathwater.

-If the above scenario happens to you, you will do one of two things. 1- drain the tub, wipe it out, and refill, this time keeping a sharp eye on your sneaky son. OR, 2- Laugh, swish the water around in an attempt to dilute the pee-water, and then proceed with bathtime. I will let you draw your own conclusion as to what option I choose when this happes at (every.single) bathtime.

-Be prepared for your son to be a monkey and/or daredevil. After recent research (done by moi) I have come to the conclusion that boys automatically scan the area that they are in, assess the area, find the most dangerous/thrilling possible activity they can create, then follow-through. They do this because it is their male instinct. Just like male lions/peacocks/ostriches/blah blah do crazy crap to impress the females of their species, human boys do the same thing. Only when they are young they are doing it to increase the strength of their mother's hearts. Because after you have seen your son(s) front-flip off of the fire place 1,386 times, you don't OMG!!!! as much. True story.

-If your sink drain begins to act wonky, shine a flashlight down it and take a peek. You will most likely see 38 Nerf darts down there.

-When the time comes for your son to potty-train, you will be SO excited. No more diapers, YAY! Cute little toddler-boxers, YAY! Your excitement will last approximately 2.4 seconds. That is how long it will take you to realize that while, yes, you don't have to change diapers anymore, you now have the job of scrubbing toilets/floors by the toilets/walls by the toilets on a daily basis. Because your son will do great aiming for a day, and then he will discover that he can wiggle his weiner (alliteration, had to do it) and make his potty move. Exciting stuff. Life-changing for your sweet boy.

-Be prepared for your son to spontaniously grab his "boy parts" and pretend to squirt you will pee. He will even make the "pssssss!" to create a realistic effect. He does not need to be naked for this to be an effective form of comedy, Owen has been known to bust out the "pssssss!" fully clothed. Thankfully he only does this at home. I am praying that he refrains from trying to make his preschool teacher laugh with this tactic.

-Your son will not be afraid to drop his pants in the backyard and pee. Because stopping playing for more than a second (especially OUTSIDE playtime) is something that is not acceptable. Your son will do this even if there is a birthday party going on next door. In the backyard. And your son will do his biz in the middle of the yard, not in the hidden "potty spot" that you have shown him. And, yes, you will show your son a potty spot in an attempt to make sure that he doesn't pee out in the middle of your yard. But it will happen. And you will laugh

- But the real kicker is this. Your son will LOVE you and say things that will melt you into a puddle of momma-love. Whether at dinner when he says "Momma, this is DELICIOUS!" as he devours a peanut butter quesadilla, or while you are reading him bedtime stories and he says "You are the best momma ever" or when you see your son starting to act like a big boy and start to do things like his daddy (which in our case I am thrilled about, because my boys' daddy is pretty freaking amazing), or when he runs up to you out of the blue and gives you a hug and a kiss, or if on your 28th birthday he comes home from an outing with his daddy and gives you a card that has a picture of a pickle on it and says "Look momma! It's a pickle! For you! Happy birthday!" like it is the best gift ever (which it is, because he chose it just for you!), or when you are rocking your youngest boy to sleep and he sits up just to give you another hug and a kiss.....you will realize that all of the quirks that come with raising boys are amazing! Raising boys (especially more than 1!) is definitely not for wimps!

The cashier didn't realize how offended Owen was.

We were at Target last week picking up some medicine, and the checkout gal was chatting with me about this and that while she rang my stuff up. She commented on how cute the boys are (uh, how could she not comment on that, seeing as how they are, like, perfect and all) and then she goes, "they look so different! are they brothers?" I laughed and said "yes" and then Owen gasped at her and said, "yes! that is my brother! wade is MY brother!" He was so quick to set her straight, that we both started cracking up.

OnStar is amazing.

So, as if I hadn't already forfeited my Mom of The Year award due to the late posting for O's 3rd bday, I definitely had my name removed from the contender list yesterday afternoon.

We had tball practice at 1:00, and it was pretty hot yesterday. So, at 2:20 when practice was over, we were heading to the car to load the kiddos up. I started to put Wade in his carseat and said "Wow, it is hot in here!" That is where things went downhill. Here is the sequence of events:

-Unlock the car, begin to put Wade in his seat, as Owen climbs in the car.

-"Wow, it is hot in here!"

-I picked up the keys, and tried to press the remote start button so that the car would cool down.

-I remember that you have to press the LOCK button before remote start will work.

-I pressed the LOCK button, then REMOTE START, and the car started and began cooling off.

-Wade started freaking out because he wanted to hold the keys, so I set them in his cupholder so I could finish getting him buckled up.

-Wade is all buckled up, so I shut his door and head to Owen's side to get him strapped in.

-I attempt to open Owen's door.

-It is locked.

-With the keys in the car.

-And both boys in the car.

-With my cell phone.

Thankfully, the car was running, and a/c was blowing on the kids so they weren't hot. Chris walks up and I started cracking up because this is something that is SO DAMN TYPICAL of our lil family. Chris, however, is unable to find the humor in the situation. ;) We were trying to talk Owen into opening his door, but the child lock was on, and he couldn't. We tried to talk him into climbing into the front seat and unlocking the driver's side door, but by this point he thought that this was the BEST/FUNNIEST thing to ever happen, so he was just chilling in the car, cracking up at me and Chris hollering through the window. Thankfully Wade was just chilling, and not screaming. This goes on for almost 30 minutes, and then the car turns off, because remote start had been going for too long. At that point, Owen got a bit freaked out, and climbed in the drivers seat. We were trying to tell him how to unlock the door, but the lock is actually really hard to grab and pull, and the driver's side has a billion buttons on the door handle, and he wasn't able to figure out the correct one.

At this point, we had about 5ish tball parents giving suggestions, and one guy said "Do y'all have OnStar?" YES! Duh! We have OnStar! So he tries calling, but alas, no service on his cellphone. Gah. Then another mom comes up and she has service on her phone, and calls OnStar for us, and they had the car unlocked within 2 minutes. THANK GOODNESS! After all of the excitement, we took Owen to Sonic to get a limeade for his valiant efforts in trying to unlock the car. :o) And Chris was finally able to laugh at his airhead wife.

So, we will definitely be renewing our OnStar service!